Some of you are thinking, “Thank goodness! Finally, some details about Pete Davidson’s personal life!” But most of you are probably thinking, “Who is Pete Davidson?!?” So I’ll start with some very short backstory.

A Little History

Pete Davidson joined the cast of SNL in 2014 at age 20 — he was the youngest cast member since the 80s. After a slow start on the show, he started to gain popularity due to his vulnerable honestly, awkward charm, and adorable inability to stop himself from giggling during sketches. Despite a lack of traditional SNL-style talent for impressions, he has carved out a place for himself on the show and is now one of the most popular and well-known cast members.

But no one cares about any of that! We are here to talk about the man’s love life.

His first celebrity girlfriend was Carly Aquilino, some stand-up that I have never heard of and do not care about. Next was Cazzie David, Larry David’s daughter. Maybe slightly more interesting, but still not interesting enough for me to care.

Enter Ariana Grande

This, I do care about.

Following the Cazzie relationship was a whirlwind (more like tornado) romance with Ariana Grande over the summer of 2018.

People were overall surprised by the pair, and a lot of people made note of Pete’s looks vs. Ariana’s sex-symbol status. I’m not about taking shots at people’s looks, but it does seem a little lopsided for a fresh-faced SNL comedian to be with a woman who is breaking records in pop music and is the closest thing we have to a modern-day 1999 Brittany Spears (just trying to make this relevant to my extremely old and out of touch friends).

(Side note: if you are interested some Pete Davidson’s looks jokes, this SNL sketch wherein he is described as looking like “a troll doll with a tape worm” may do the trick for you.)

My favorite thing about the Pete/Ariana match-up is how upsettingly compatible their street styles are.

Along with these exciting fashion moments, Pete and Ariana covered their bodies with an abundance of tiny and ill-advised tattoos. Is it really true love if you aren’t in the artist’s chair at least once a week? Following is a timeline of their tattoos love.

A couple of notes:

1. FIVE of these tattoos are on hands. This seems like the worst place to get relationship related tattoos.
2. The “mille trendresse” tattoo really sets me off. I am the kind of person who loves being pretentious and hates when other people are, so seeing a tattoo referencing Breakfast at Tiffany’s really distresses me because I simultaneously despise it and know it’s something I would do myself.
3. It’s not nearly as bad as “H2GKMO,” though. For those wondering, it stands for “honest to god knock me out,” which is apparently something Ariana says 300 times a day?

The breakup news was followed with shade, subtweeting, a new album/song, mental health scares, and many, many tattoo cover-ups.

But you can’t keep this man down for long!

Kate Beckinsale PDA

January 2019 Pete was seen leaving an Oscars after party with Kate Beckinsale, 20 years his senior (Pete is 25, Kate 45). I’m not against age differences in relationships, but it’s a little weird to date someone who is way closer to your daughter’s age than your own (Lily is 20). The two were spotted out together a few more times in February, but things really got wild in March when Pete and Kate were photo’d at a hockey game. The photos started out kind of cute and sweet. Just some standard smiling & canoodling.

THEN THINGS TOOK A MAJOR TURN

What makes it even worse is the fact that chef-of-our-hearts, Antoni, was trapped beside them like a sad, avocado-less third wheel. He has made light of it since the photos came out, but you know not a single human being in the whole world has enjoyed going out with a friend and sitting beside them while they make out with their date. NO ONE EVER.

That being said, some memes were quickly born, and isn’t that what love is all about in 2019? Being meme-able?

April 2019 Update

After 4 months together, Kate and Pete officially broke up in April 2019.

Links & Extras

Here are a few related links:

Ariana’s song “pete davidson”

Tan France dressing Pete

Dan Crenshaw roasting Pete’s looks

Piggy Smallz Instagram account

Subscribe to get new posts straight to your email inbox, or follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter!