A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding — Aldovia is in Shambles

Disclaimer: This blog post contains spoilers for the movie A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding on Netflix.
If you haven’t seen this movie and want to see it spoiler free — Stop and come back later.
If you haven’t seen this movie, have no plans to see this movie, and just want to hear me talk about it — Proceed.
If you haven’t seen this movie and don’t care about spoilers/want to read this post in viewing preparation — Proceed.
If you have already seen this movie and can’t wait to hear my hot takes — Proceed.

See my review of A Christmas Prince here.

It’s been almost a year since the events of the last movie – A Christmas Prince, and Amber and Richard’s wedding day is nearing. Richard is King of Aldovia now, and he is super bad at it. Amber has been focusing on her blog, and has garnered a devoted following. This is the kind of riveting content you can find on Amber’s Blog:

Richard BEVAN Charlton!!

Amber and her dad fly to Aldovia to prepare for the wedding. Queen Helena has hired “the world’s best wedding planner,” Sahil to work with Amber to create the perfect wedding. Their visions do not quite align. Sahil wants an over-the-top modernist, fancy, couture, garbage wedding. Amber wants a regular ole’ tacky, diner food garbage wedding. 

Fab 5 Netflix GIF by Queer Eye

Richard, meanwhile is enacting a plan to “bring Aldovia into the 21st century,” but is instead somehow depleting the country of funds, causing layoffs and worker’s strikes all over the country. Thankfully, Lord Leopold (whoever that is) is coming back from Monaco to help him straighten things out. Simon, who has not been forgiven, but has been welcomed back into the family, offers his own solution to Aldovia’s financial woes – cryptocurrency. He does have an economics degree from Oxford, after all. Amber is ready to help out as well, pointing out that she used to balance the books for her dad’s diner. Richard bitingly responds that “this isn’t a diner, its a kingdom,” which is mean, but also true. Leopold simply suggests that Richard “stay the course.”

SuccessionHBO GIF

One evening, the family sits around the fire to read “cards from well-wishers.” They are surprised to find that one card is from someone who does not wish them well at all. This card-writer is sure they are “having a dandy christmas at the palace” while the working people of Aldovia are suffering.

Later in the evening, Amber’s one-dimensional friends arrive, and she enlists them to help her find the disgruntled card-writer. They find him drinking at a local bar, and he explains to Amber that the “New Aldovia” policy, which is supposed to pour money back into the economy, is doing the opposite. Three new companies sprung up at the start of the initiative and started underbidding for work and putting other local companies out of business. 

The next day, Richard and Ms. Averill confront Amber about her disgruntled card-writer confrontation, and she tells them that she was just “INVESTIGATING!” This does not go over well with Ms. Averill, who berates her and demands she quit her blog. Richard sits quietly and stares, because he is not only a terrible king, but also a terrible fiancee. Amber is so upset that she runs away.

Fab 5 Netflix GIF by Queer Eye

Richard and the rest of the royal family search for her by wandering around and screaming her name. 

While this is going on, Emily and Simon do some internet hacking and discover that Leopold is the one siphoning money out of Aldovia through the new companies. They explain this to Richard, and he responds by setting off to get Amber saying, “there is only one place she could be!” If there is only one place she could be, I’m not sure why he didn’t look there in the first place. Nevertheless, he finds her in his father’s hunting cabin and they have a passionless argument that ends with Richard saying that she shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything to be with him. This strikes me as unrealistic, but who I am to say. 

Mtv Awards 2019 Whatever GIF by MTV Movie & TV Awards

They rush back to the palace to confront Leopold. When they arrive at the castle, they address the most important issue at hand – Amber’s independence in planning her own wedding! “Protocol be damned!” says Prince Richard, which is the strongest language he has ever used. Then they discuss the secondary, much less important matter of Leopold embezzling money from the country and sending it into financial turmoil. Amber threatens Leopold with a bow and arrow until he confesses, and he is taken away to the dungeons (which apparently do exist). 

The movie ends with Amber getting to have her tacky wedding her own tacky way! Hurrah!

Our Heroine

Amber is such a brat in this movie. She is like, “I didn’t know being a queen meant I can’t be myself anymore!” Has she learned nothing from Meghan Markle? 

The Love Interest

Richard is just awful in this one. He is a terrible fiancee, standing by and saying nothing on multiple occasions as Amber is berated by staff members. And he may be one of the worst kings of all time? How does a random Aldovian laborer know more about what is going on financially ini Aldovia than he does? And why does he let everyone tell him and Amber what to do without even trying to stand up for either of them? This man ain’t got no leadership skills. 

Chemistry

Just like the first movie, it does not exist. Simon/Melissa and Sahil/Andy have more chemistry than Amber/Richard. Cousin Simon has better chemistry with both Amber and Richard than they do with each other. 

UGH.

People/things Amber has more chemistry with than King Richard:

Sahil, the wedding planner, whom she hates deeply
Ms. Averill, whom she hates deeply
Her wedding dress, which she hates deeply
The disgruntled card-writer
Her powder blue suite
Everyone in the conga line

People/things King Richard has more chemistry with than Amber:

Cousin Simon
Ms. Averill
Simon’s Car
Not much else, really 

Best Secondary Character

Cousin Simon is actually kind of a blast in this movie. He looks a lot hotter for some reason, and he’s just ridiculous. He adds some life and color to some scenes that would otherwise be pretty dull.

Worst Secondary Character

Amber’s dad. He is played by a completely different actor in this movie, and it is not a good thing. His whole bumbling bumpkin act when he first arrives at the castle is not cute, and his over-the-top New York accent does not help. We are supposed to feel bad for him that the royal chef does not accept him with open arms, but the dude is insisting they allow him to serve diner food at a royal wedding. 

Most Ridiculous Line

Mr. Zabala: Until the wedding you are going to have your own bridal suite. 
Amber: A suite?
Mr. Zabala: Your suite. 
Amber: Sweet!

Fashion Analysis

Amber’s back, she’s about to be queen, and no, she still hasn’t purchased any new clothing. 

This is the only cute thing she’s ever worn. Holding out for 2020 A Christmas Prince: Island Holiday.

Her first wedding dress is awful. 

But the second one isn’t that much better.

There isn’t even a train! It’s insane to have a royal wedding dress with no train. 

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Do they really have these tacky Christmas mugs in the castle kitchen? Or are we supposed to believe these were Rudy’s doing? Why would he travel to Aldovia with a bunch of mugs?

Rudy and Emily are bonding over the gross food at an event and Emily says “Amber and I call this meat jelly.” But according to the first movie, the official name of this food is “jellied meat.” Do Amber and Emily think that “meat jelly” is a hilarious and creative nickname for “jellied meat?”

I will never stop laughing at this one Aldovian protest sign that simply states “WHY?!”

When Amber and Richard are taking their royal wedding portrait and are asked to “exude solemnity and control,” Amber says, “I would be exuding something else if this dress was any tighter.” What does that mean??? What would she be exuding? Does she mean her boobs would pop out? Or she would vomit? Or… something else more disgusting? I cannot work this one out. 

Oh No Wow GIF by CBC

In case you missed the plot of the story of Princess Froon:

Princess Froon was a “fair maiden” who was captured by the ogre, Grundel. Grundel locked Froon up in an ice tower with plans to eat her. But, before he got the chance, his pet turtle found a baby in the woods. When he brings the baby back to the castle (and I’m not sure if it’s the turtle or the ogre who carry the baby, but I like to imagine it’s the turtle), Princess Froon cares for it so lovingly that Grundel falls in love with her and sets her free. Froon then turns the baby into Santa Claus and kisses Grundel, who transforms into a knight in shining armor.

Amy GIF

Rating

6/10. This one was not quite as beloved as the first, but it is still fun to watch. Amber and Richard are awful dummies, but it makes for an entertaining hour and a half. 

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