ABC hasn’t posted the constant’s official bios yet. But, in keeping with the last few seasons, they posted some preliminary, poorly-edited photos of them against a hideous teal background. I am not here to make fun of any of these lovely women’s faces or bodies or anything else about them as human beings. I would never do that. That being said, I do have some questions about a few of their clothing choices.
Is Megan’s dress a re-purposed bridesmaid dress?
Was Madison a bridesmaid in the same wedding?
Does Jade have a super blunt haircut that stops right at the top of her shirt, or is her hair tucked into the top of said shirt? Also, is said shirt a bathing suit?
This is definitely a Halloween costume – but is Avonlea dressed as a Barbie or Elle Woods? More importantly, was Avonlea named after Anne Shirley’s fictional home? (I hope so!!)
Is Mykenna a Georgia O’Keeffe painting? (I regret to inform you that the credit for this joke actually goes to my husband. I am highly embarrassed to be sharing credit for an art joke. I need to up my art joke game.)
Is Kelsey a lamp? Her dress a lampshade?
Is Savanah also a lamp — the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, to be exact? It’s a major award!
Is Eunice a window? Her dress Victorian window dressings? Eunice does sound like exactly the kind of name a Victorian window would have.
Did Jasmine have fun at the 8th grade skating rink party that she clearly attended immediately before this photo shoot?
If I saw Victoria at an outdoor event on a Saturday afternoon, I would think this outfit was very cute. But did she really think it was the right choice for this particular photo shoot?
Is Alexis going to share with the world how she traveled through time? Is she a companion of The Doctor, traveling by TARDIS? Or perhaps it was an Outlander-esque “I touched the wrong historic monument on the wrong day” kind of thing? Either way, she definitely came here from c. 2006, the time of pukka shell necklaces, arm scrunchies, turquoise rings, and belted jeans.
Is this top of bathing suit? This one is definitely a bathing suit, right?
Did Mary Ann (and the rest of Gilligan’s crew) finally make it off that island?
Was Maurissa intentionally trying to mimic Vivian’s opera night look from Pretty Woman? Or was it just a fateful accident?
Why are choker neck shirts a thing?
Are these weird, crinkly popcorn shirts from the 90s back in? Please tell me no.
What is this?