This week brought us roller coasters, resurrections, exposed liars, tackles, and, as per usual, a lot of tears. There are tears every season, but this feels like an exceptional amount of tears. But this week’s official theme is — #TruthisRelative!
Let’s get into the episode!
Chris Harrison starts off the episode by sharing some exciting news with the women — they are going to Cleveland!!! This show has a history of contestants pretending to be excited to go to really boring places, but this time they react as expected:
Peter is actually pumped to be in Cleveland because, “this is where super man came from! Clark Kent was born here!” which is not strictly accurate The creators of the original Superman comics were from Cleveland, but Clark Kent wasn’t technically “born” anywhere as that is just an alias Superman used, and Superman was born on Krypton. #TruthisRelative
Roller Coasters, Both Literal and Figurative
Victoria F gets the first one-on-one date. The card, which says, “let’s soar to new heights!” makes her nervous because she is very scared of heights and falling. She really hopes it isn’t skydiving, something she would never ever choose to do!!
Peter and Victoria meet on the tarmac, and he flies her to Cedar Point to ride a few roller coasters and have some mostly boring conversations.
Peter is giddy with excitement about the next portion of their date — a private Chase Rice concert!
Peter is all:
Victoria is all:
Why, you ask? Because the producers of this show have reached a new level of behind-the-scenes brutality, heretofore unseen by Bachelor Nation. We learn that, according to Victoria, she was dating Chase Rice right up until she left to film The Bachelor, and he begged her not to go on the show and stay with him. (According to Chase Rice, they spent one night together – #TruthisRelative!) Chase also claims that he was completely blindsided by the producers sending her on this particular date. But he was a runner-up on a season of Survivor — this is not a man who is unfamiliar with the world of reality TV.
Peter, who has zero “read the room” abilities, goes on and on at dinner about how fun and great the day was. Victoria stops him, and nervously tells him about her connection to Chase. Peter is completely thrown off balance by this news. He rightly points out how weird it is to dance and make out with someone while being serenaded by their ex.
If you are worried that this is the end of the line for our whiny friend Victoria F, have no fear! Victoria is no dummy. She knows the way to Peter’s heart is using tears to trigger his Knight-in-Shining-Armor complex, so she runs to the bathroom sobbing and tells him that she understands if he just “doesn’t want to try with her anymore.” The Damsel in Distress thing works like a charm and he completely melts. Victoria receives a date rose.
Football Timez!!! (An appropriate heading for this date is just not coming to me)
Victoria P, Kiarra, Kelley, Deandra, Madison, Lexi, Shiann, Tammy, Sydney, Hannah Ann, Savannah, Mykenna
Each season usually has some sort of sports date where the contestants are broken up into teams to compete, the winning team to receive extra time with the Bachelor/ette. This might have been the best one they’ve ever done. I expected some kind of obstacle course or a game of flag football, but this was a game a fully-suited tackle football.
Victoria P pulls a “I have cramps so I can’t run in gym class today” move, and sits on the sideline because her “back still hurts” (did I miss her getting a back injury at some point?). It’s a very Courtney Robertson move, and she is 100% winning this date as Peter sits on the sidelines massaging her back while the other girls get sweaty and bruised playing football.
That night at the cocktail party, Victoria P immediately steals him away. This pisses everyone off, particularly Shiann, who was killing it in the football game. The girls this season seem to take these competitions really seriously. They think that if they are good at the game, that they have truly earned Peter’s time. But I think it’s pretty clear that the games are just ploys to make the women interact with each other in different ways and create interesting content for the sake of the show. If Peter wants to spend time with you, he will find a way to spend time with you.
When Shiann does get the chance to talk to Peter, she spends the entire conversation telling him how pissed she is that he didn’t talk to her first because she was so good at football. Why can’t these women just chill out and have fun for any amount of time??
Alayah Has Arisen
The women hear ominous footsteps clickety-clacking up the staircase, and are stunned to see that Alayah has returned. She is here to “clear her name,” and walks off to find Peter. Peter admits to her that Victoria’s witness testimony about Alayah telling her to lie about the fact that they knew each other was what convinced him to deliver his final guilty verdict and send her home. Alayah tells Peter that Victoria is clearly capable of lying on her own without being asked too. Remember how Victoria P said that she and Alayah were just acquaintances? Alayah claims that they really were friends, and there are pics from a Vegas girls trip to prove it.
When Peter asks Victoria about it, she confirms that they were friends (I keep saying “were” because I highly doubt they will continue being friends after all of this). When he asks her why she didn’t just admit that in the first place, she says, “Peter, look at me. PETER. LOOK AT ME. MY truth has been THE truth.”
Victoria then devolves into a tornado of squeaky tears, rambling about how hard this is and how she has given him her heart and a bunch of other things that I couldn’t understand — literally couldn’t understand because of all the squeaking, but figuratively as well because it made no sense.
Peter finally brings Victoria and Alayah into the same room to talk it out. Alayah asks Victoria why she lied about their friendship, and Victoria says, “when Peter asked me for the truth, I felt like he deserved from me what my truth was in that moment.” #TruthisRelative!
Peter feels that he made a mistake sending Alayah home based on information that wasn’t true, so he takes her in front of the entire date to give her the date card rose. It’s a bold (stupid) move! Lexi pointed out that the women on the date “suffered major bodily harm,” and have nothing to show for it.
I am reaaalllyyy questions Peter’s decision making skills at this point.
Kelsey — A No-Drama Person! Apparently!
Kelsey gets the second one-on-one. Peter says that he chose her because she is a down to earth, no-drama person. Yes, this is the same Kelsey who scream-cried at Mykenna and Hannah Ann for hours on end because they thwarted her champagne moment.
At dinner, Kelsey tells Peter about her dad leaving her mom to start a new family in Mexico when she was in middle school, and explains that this trauma is what gives her such a “tough exterior.” Her experience with her dad is genuinely awful, and Kelsey has kind of grown on me so I hate to throw too much shade, but I would not consider a woman who cries for 2 days straight over a bottle of champagne to have a “tough exterior.” Peter appreciates her vulnerability and gives her the date rose.
Peter is excited going into the cocktail party/rose ceremony, because he is finally feeling confident about his choices and positive about his connections. He is oblivious to the fact that these women have had enough of his stupidity, and is stunned to walk into a cocktail party filed with raging women who have been patiently waiting for their chance to let him have it.
They take turns lighting into him about the football date, with Natasha shouting, “like LITERALLY my ankle is still sore!” at one point. He listens and quickly apologizes, but there is a tone of “please just shut up and make this end” in his voice.
Despite the fact that Victoria P just got caught in a blatant lie, she can’t believe that Peter doesn’t trust her. She is confused about the situation she is in, despite having put herself squarely in said position.
Sydney is feeling the same way – she is frustrated that Peter hasn’t really gotten to know her because the Alayah stuff has taken up so much of her time. Honey, you quite literally started this whole thing. #TruthisRelative!
Victoria F is mad at Alayah for telling the other women about the Chase Rice thing, and vows to take her down by tattling on her to Peter.
How many people must be sacrificed on the altar of tattling before these women will learn to mind their own business? Every season someone gets obsessed with tattling, and that someone almost always gets sent home soon after.
Alayah is the obvious winner this week having restored her name with Peter and been asked to come back and the show, along with successfully getting the rest of the women in the house to completely lose focus on winning this game and become obsessed with taking her down.
Kelsey made an incredible comeback this week. After the “finasco” that was #champagnegate, it seemed that Kelsey wouldn’t make it far. But somehow, despite being the most dramatic person out of this group of wildly dramatic girls, Peter sees her as a down to earth, no-drama person and is ready to see where the journey takes them.
Victoria F successfully navigated her way through one of the most awkward situations anyone has even been put in on this show. She also pulled a great Damsel in Distress crying maneuver that catapulted her to the top of the rankings.
I have a feeling Victoria’s days may be numbered, but if Kelsey can survive #champagnegate, Victoria F can survive making out with Peter in front of her ex, and Alayah can survive literally being kicked off the show, anything is possible at this point.
Ok, I’m really just throwing Shiann a bone here. I don’t think she is really winning at the Peter game, but she was definitely winning at football, and though that may not mean anything to Peter, it means something to me.
See you guys next week!