Bachelorette Notes & Obituaries, S15 E7

We in Latvia, baby! Latvia brought us scenic views of sad, gray rivers/forests, assorted near-nude date activities, and the usual Luke nonsense.

Let’s get into the episode:

The Dates

There is really not enough to say about each date to warrant their own sections, so here we go.

Garrett got the first solo date card. After seeing Garrett read the card, Luke said that it was the first time he actually felt jealous during the show. Could’ve fooled me.

sure jan GIF

Hannah and Garrett got to experience traditional Latvian culture by… semi-nude bungee jumping. Hannah hopped on Instagram before the episode aired to assure everyone that her underwear was on the whole time, insisting that her “no-no square” did not come into physical contact with anyone else’s “no-no square.”

Following the bungee jumping, Garrett and Hannah sat by a fire nestled between a dead, gray forest and a nasty, sad river to make out.

Garrett really ramped things up later in the evening. During dinner, he said:

Episode 7 GIF by The Bachelorette

Yes, you read that right. Falling in love for you.

The rest of the guys (minus Peter) joined Hannah for a group date at the Riga Market. They traipsed around the market sampling cheeses and pickles and liquors.

episode 7 GIF by The Bachelorette

That’s it. It was uneventful.

Peter got the second one-on-one, which consisted of a Latvian spa day. They wore foliage crowns, mixed some herbs up, and slammed branches on each other’s asses. It was confusing. This was followed up by gratuitous making out in a sauna. The physical connection between them is obviously going well, but I’m not sure the relationship goes much deeper than that.  

More Luke Nonsense

Yes. It’s still happening.

make it stop late show GIF by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Luke was predictably upset when he learned about the nude bunjee jumping date. So he, being unable to keep his stupid mouth shut for even one second, confronted Hannah about it. He said things like, “your body is a temple and I’m just thinking of you holding him bare skinned and it really pissed me off and frustrated me.” He said that her behavior was a slap in the face and that it made him wonder about having her meet his family.

Here’s the thing. I get having some bad feelings when a woman that you are “in love with” (or “falling in love with,” “starting to fall in love with,” heck, maybe even “falling in love for“) shares about having an intimate date with another guy. I’m sure the other guys weren’t loving the vision of Hannah and Garrett barely clothed and falling through the sad, gray sky in each other’s arms. But it’s the way he talks about it and the things he says that really bother me. An ok thing to say (in my opinion) would have been something like: “My feelings for you are getting so strong, it was hard to hear about your date with Garrett. It sounds like it was really fun, and I am always wishing it was me on these dates because I am just so in love for you.” (No, I’m never letting the in love for you joke go, thanks for asking).

Instead, he said a bunch of stuff that sounded a whole lot like he was just trying to shame her. It never seemed to be about a healthy jealousy based on a desire to be with her; it felt like it made him really angry to see her use her body in a way that he didn’t think was appropriate and that he felt was gonna bring him some personal shame.

I Dont Like It Ron Burgundy GIF

Later in the evening, Hannah brought the conversation up with Luke again. She told him the things he said didn’t “sit well” with her. She, literally word for word, recounted the things that he said to her that sucked, and he was like “you’re twisting my words.” She reminded him that he does not own her body and doesn’t get to decide what she chooses to do with it. His tiny brain cannot fathom this concept.

Despite this Luke stuff being hard to watch, I think there are some lessons to be learned here. The following are 5 reasons to toss a man (or woman) to the curb, based on the lessons we have learned from this season:

  1. If your beautiful smiling face drops in his presence, and you fall into a sad stupor every time you speak to him.
  2. If everyone around him seems to hate his guts, without exception.
  3. If you wonder why your relationship with him is so hard, despite having only known him for a few weeks.
  4. If you have to explain bodily autonomy to him and constantly remind him that he does not own your body.
  5. If you wonder aloud whether or not you are falling in love with him or if he is inching you closer and closer to being committed to an asylum.
Episode 7 GIF by The Bachelorette

Tyler Continues to Be a Lovely

Tyler is winning points with me (and everyone I assume?) left and right on this show. This week it started when he defended Hannah from Luke’s disgust about the bungee date. When Luke brought up his feelings about Hannah’s date in front of everyone, Tyler immediately called him out. Hearkening back to the pageant date, Tyler pointed out that Luke had no problem “parading around in a speedo in front of everyone,” but has the gall to condemn Hannah.

Episode 7 GIF by The Bachelorette

Later in the episode, Tyler channeled a Nicholas Sparks character again, saying:

"You came out and you were wearing all white, and you looked heaven-sent. You looked like an angel. I pray to God that you're my angel. And later on, you held it down with all of us. You stood there and fought. You had this look where you were all business, and I thought, 'that's what I want, I want that.' You're going to have kids and things that you have to stand up and fight for. Where did this fighter come from? Because I adore it."
Swooning GIF

And to cap it all off, we got to end the episode with Tyler doing this horrible, stupid, adorable dance:

Parks And Recreation Television GIF

Jed Drama

The real drama this week was brought to us courtesy of the internet. This week, a woman came out saying that she and Jed were dating when he left for the show. She claims that they did not break up, and that she was expecting him to come back home from the show and resume their relationship. When he got home from filming, he never reached out, and when she finally contacted him, he said that he “didn’t know what to say.”

This obviously sent Bachelor Nation into a tizzy. Jed has been one of the clear front runners since early on, so it’s not exactly fun to find out that he may also be kind of a dirtbag.

Ashley I. makes a good point in her Cosmo recap – maybe Jed did go on for the wrong reasons, but continued on the show because he really did find love with Hannah. She says that she originally went on the show to promote her brand, but ended up finding love eventually, too. Time will tell, I guess!

(Regardless, the way he treated this other girl still definitely sucks.)

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